asekitty (asekitty) wrote in dxm_elite,

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been sick and have had some shitty days

well ive been rather sick with stomach issues the past few months, still am sick but am geting better slowly.

I havent forgotten about ya all, just have not felt up to being on here much, lots has gone on since i last was on here.

Im single again after a 4 year relationship, its painful, but the relationship went stagnant and im not completely doubting that this breakup is reall all that bad of a thing, afterall im only 26 and not ready to settle down at all yet, i still wanna be a wild child;x)

Im off all the hard drugs, well cept for xanax, still addicted to them as bad as ever, i smoke a ton of pot now, mostly now cuz my dr said if it makes my stomach feel better then to smoke away, who am i to complain about that one??

I must admit, i am lonely, i need a companion, someone i can cling to, physicaly and emotionaly in times of difficulty, thats something i dont have, not now. I do have my mom and grandma, but they cant give me the affection i need, i need just one close close friend who i could like lay with, chat to till god only knows when, someone to confide in who i can trust with everything.

I need a friend irl, really bad, buti dont know anyone close to me, i mean my internet friends, most of you are all rather far away from litchfield illinois and i dont know most of ya well enough to even think about visiting irl unless i ran into you at a convention of some.

I just really need a friend, and being gay it makes it that much harder, specialy cuz of where i live, this town has nothing, nothing at all to do, and cuz of me being an idiot a year ago i dont have a drivers licence until october this year and i cant leave the state for a year and a half till im off probation..... and thats another thing, i cant stand how ppl place a stigma on me just cuz i fucked up once, i have a drug problem, i may not be feeding it anymore, but im an addict, and i am geting help, i wish people would see that and not just see whats on the surface.

i so long for close friends, but i just dont know what to do, or who to turn to... the only things to do here are go to walmart, or go to the bar..... or church..... for a 26yo psychonaut freak that leaves little for me to do but sit on my ass on my pc all the time, and i tell ya the internet, as vast as it might be, gets real boring after awhile, online chatting gets old, i need interaction with real live people who i could physicaly reach out an touch, or see their facial expressions, hear their voice..... but bleh, i guess im whining, im just lonely and wish i had some good friends to hang with, go have fun with...

and i need one friend, one who i can call a companion, a person who is as close as you can get to someone with out being in a relationship.....

i dunno, im lost n lonely, and its all the more hard cuz im sick at the same time with something really nasty, even tho i am doin ok thus far, but still it would be easier if i had a friend to lean on.

God bless ya all, hes the only one who will always be there for ya no matter what, even if you dont believe in him, your never really alone in this world cuz he loves ya no matter what. I might be gay, but it dont mean i cant believe in God! If i didnt, i prolly would of killed myself a long time ago.
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